#1 - Fear is the Greatest Drug

Fear drives my decisions at this point.

Fear of losing Miss S. is what set this whole plan into motion. We met in the fall of 2013 and after a casual friendship we started dating this past winter. She lived in Las Vegas and I was in New Jersey. We both thought a long distance relationship was worth trying and I believed that it was possible. I'd been single for a long time so it seemed like a nice way to get back on the bike.

Things were going fine until she had surgery in April and I flew out to take care of her for a few days while she got back on her feet. The time we spent together during that period deepened whatever feelings we already had for each other, and when I got home I updated my resume and started to send it out. It was a half-assed job search though. I would come home from work search job listings and submit my resume. No cover letter, no real indication of why this guy from New Jersey wanted a job in Las Vegas.

As the weeks went on I started to believe that I would lose S. before we were able to execute what we had assumed would be a two year plan that found either me moving there or ideally her moving here. I won't get into why I started to believe this but it involves a little bit of jealousy and more importantly an innate need to do something while I still could.

Fear. As I thought about my life I started to fear that I would look back at my life in 10 years at the age of 51 and say "What if I had made a go of it with S. in Las Vegas?" I was afraid that I would regret not trying. At the same time I started to let go of the fear that after 12 years of working at the same job site that I would somehow be unemployable. I stopped being afraid and instead started to believe in myself. I started to believe that with a little money to keep me afloat I could find work, some kind of work, in Las Vegas to pay the bills. I even thought that I could start a new career.

With my fear at bay I picked up the phone and called a local realtor.

Next: Regret Follows Failure. Note: Don't Fail!